Chester Counselling offers relationship counselling, psychotherapy and family counselling throughout Chester and Cheshire

Grief & Loss

We will all experience loss of one form or other in life- whether that is though someone we love dying, or relationships ending, or health deterioration or changes or work loss.

Although there are several common stages on the cycle of grief/ loss our relationship with loss is individual and everyone has their own emotional journey to get though.

When we grieve we are finding a way of processing and adjusting to loss.

Grief is a process with stages:

Shock/ Searching/ Denial /Disbelief this is a "numb" stage when you first hear the news about the loss- whatever form that loss takes.

(This is a bit like emotional anaesthetic- the purpose is to protect you from feeling that you're drowning in the overwhelming nature of the bad news- it helps protect you from coping with too much too soon.)

The next stages- characterised by Yearning, anger anxiety despair loneliness and guilt can feel overwhelming.

The reality of the loss begins to become real: when you feel the pain of the loss.

• Protest- Involves strong powerful feelings like guilt sadness fear recrimination and anger. Anger can be directed anywhere- at self, at the person who died at others etc
• Despair is a heavy emotional stage also- which may leave you feeling hopeless and weepy- even abandoned.
• Guilt/ Bargaining is characterised by "if only's" and "what ifs" You might feel envy or relief. You may struggle with blame and shame at this stage.
• Depression is a normal phase in the loss cycle. With the ingredients of loss like anxiety loss anger remorse guilt and perhaps repression it follows that depression often results. *Link to depression page
• Disorganisation - At this stage you can feel rudderless and lost. It can be difficult to make decisions or concentrate. You might feel purposeless, might withdraw form friends and lose interest/motivation.
• Loss of a partner (through death or divorce) can leave you wondering "who am I now" and can challenge your identity in lots of ways- sexually socially etc. You might have to manage stigma of changed circumstances and friends may reorganise themselves if you are separated to give allegiance to one partner over the other.
• Anniversaries especially the first of significant dates - of loss, anniversaries birthdays Christmas mothers/fathers day are all challenges.
• Acceptance is a gradual process where you begin to accept the reality of the loss and might begin to invest in the present or plan for the future.

You might find you are able to talk more happily about the person now. You might feel interested in work etc again.

Healing also involves building new hobbies and interests and possibly new friends.

It's important to process the feelings of grief rather than bottle them up. Loss involves pain but the pain will lessen if you work through it.

Don't be hard on yourself and expect you to be through it before you're ready. Its okay to pace and give yourself steps to take.

Counselling can help you process grief- especially through the difficult feelings- anxiety, guilt, anger, loneliness and depression.